OK, it’s that time of year again. When you were in second grade, your sincerest hopes and fervent prayers were likely pinned on getting some sort of sign from That Certain Someone. Maybe it was one of those weird, chalky kinda sweet heart-shaped candies, with a message on it. Maybe even, *gasp* an actual card. For some of us, the day likely went by, with no indication that some other badly-combed-hair-my-parents-dressed-me-don’t-blame-me kid knew we existed. And some of us didn’t care either way.
Fast forward an appropriate amount of years, and here we are, 2016. We’ve (mostly) mastered combing our own hair (don’t judge), and hopefully have found some clothes that work. But some part of us is still stuck in that 2nd grade time warp, hoping for someone to give us their heart. The internet to the rescue! Well, mostly. A few years ago, there was a trending hashtag – #CandyHeartRejects. There’s someone for everyone, at least if these tweets are any indication:
Funny:
Get a cat. #CandyHeartRejects
I’M DESPR8 #candyheartrejects
Creepy:
I’m not a roofie. Honest. #candyheartrejects
The Lambs Still Scream #candyheartrejects
One tweet too far:
HI(V) #CandyHeartRejects
Get Tested #candyheartrejects
Depending on which camp you’re in, Brooklyn distilleries have a drink for you this completely commercial holiday, I mean, Valentine’s Day. Check it out!
New York Distilling Company – The Acerbic Mrs. Parker – in case you haven’t gotten over that crush on your second grade teacher.
Sorel by Jack from Brooklyn – The Bang Bang – pretty much says it all!
Van Brunt Stillhouse – Papa Doble – for those of you sitting at home reading, I mean, you literary-minded folks, a Hemingway reference.
Breuckelen Distilling – Bastardo Bianco – don’t worry, your cat still loves you.
Barrow’s Intense Ginger Liqueur – I’ll Ginger Your Rodger – hey, that burns!
Article: Jeanne Runkle
